Christmas went by smoothly as did the New Year. The boiler managed to stay free from trouble during the cold spell for which I am grateful as, listening to some of my work colleagues, it would appear that broken boilers reached epidemic proportions.
Just before Christmas, I got together with a lady friend for a couple of dates. These went well and the relationship reached the next stage which is when it all started to go wrong. As soon as things got intimate I started thinking I was was cheating on Jane. No matter how I tried to reason with myself that this was stupid the guilty feelings would not go away. I would make up excuses why I couldn't see her and in the end I had to sit down with her and explain what was wrong. Well, she explained to me what was wrong and I think she is right, I am still very much in love with Jane and am just not ready for such a relationship at this time. She gave me a big hug and said 'just friends it is.' Good friends are special and she is a now a good friend.
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I agree that it's too soon
ReplyDeletebut, what do I know?
happy new year
aww...bless your heart...you will know when you're ready..and don't forget that cold beer i promised Jane I'd have ready for you if you ever made it over this way...take care.. xx
ReplyDeleteIt can't be easy for you Martin. That empty space in your heart and arms need filling. Don't feel guilty. I believe it is the sign of a blessed and loving marriage when the widow looks to find that same happiness once again.
ReplyDeleteIt will all happen in God's good time.
Bless you!
Jeanie
Bless You Martin...It is still early days you have done so well this year. Just take it one day at a time all will be well..
ReplyDeleteLove Sybil x
I'm pleased that you still have the friendship of the lady concerned, Martin. It is still early days, and you'll know for yourself when you're ready.
ReplyDeleteMartin, I've tried to see this from Jane's point of view as a patient myself. I don't want John to be alone and I would welcome someone into his life, after my time comes, to love him and care for him and for him to love in return. I wouldn't see it as cheating on me, I wouldn't want him to feel guilt. I know he would still love me and always will. You will never ever forget Jane or love her less than you always have, but there is still space in your heart for another and when the time is right it will all happen naturally. This lady friend sounds a truly good friend being there for you and willing to wait until the time is right for you both. Don't kick yourself for this there is no reason or need. What is time? You cannot put a time on feelings, we are all so very different. Jackie x
ReplyDeleteenjoy each other's company, build your new relationship slowly and it will find a life of it's own. very best wishes to you. jane, i'm sure, is urging you on and smiling with love as you stumble and rise.
ReplyDelete