Its going to be hard this Christmas, it being the first one since Jane left us. The long dark cold nights don't make things any easier either. I've turned down a few invitations to 'go out' in the run up to the festive season, not wanting to go out and make merry. I have this strange feeling on occasions when I am enjoying myself, that I am in some way being unfaithful to Jane's memory and that inevitably ruins the evening for me.
Christmas presents have taken up a large proportion of my spare time lately. Jane was always in charge of this department and initially the thought of it now being down to me was daunting. However I have quite enjoyed it so far. I was always thought of by Jane and the kids a bit of a miser when it came to pressies (well they would say that). I wanted to get something special for Catherine so I have had made an inscribed silver pendant. In one side there are sealed a small amount of Jane's ashes that I had saved for this occasion and in the other a lovely photo of Jane at her best.
We have been invited to Christmas dinner by James' girlfriends family which is really nice. On boxing day, Caroline, Jane's best friend has invited us all down to her house for the day. I'm grateful for both invites as the thought of having to cook the turkey 2 years in a row was not appealing.
Happy Christmas to all our friends out there and I'll see you all in the new year.