Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Yesterday was a bad day

There have been ok days and there have been bad days. Yesterday was a bad day for everyone. The house was strangely quiet which didn't help. All arrangements for Jane's funeral have been made and we were just trying to find things to do to take our minds away from Friday.... heavy rain kept us pinned in the house.
Mathew, Jane's brother flew in from Rio. He said he was Ok until he pulled up outside and then the loss hit him. Jane is written all over the house, in every corner, in every room. There is nothing in the house that she didn't have a part in so I think we have got a hard road ahead.

On the ok days we talk about her adventures in the three years since diagnosis, strangely thoughts are fuzzy prior to that. The wonderful holidays, the making of the film and the 'premier' in London, the demo's for Kidney Cancer Drugs, the Blog. She packed a lot in, but then again she said she would. Her early death was inevitable and we all knew it but when it comes it is still a shock.

Friday is approaching and the knot in my stomach is getting tighter.


  1. you are going to get a lot of days like that martin,and its not helping friday is looming.that is the awful day you have to come.but you can and will do it.not less because jane has planned it.youu had an extra 3 years with her.she deserved so many more,but it wasn't to are all in my thoughts.take care,mort.

  2. You're only just starting down that long road, Martin. Friday will be tough, but it'll be the first of many milestones on the way. You'll find things a little less difficult after the funeral. Wishing you and yours strength,


  3. It will take time for you to come to terms with Jane's death but you will be in all our thoughts during the days ahead.

  4. Nothing we say can ease that sort of pain of loss Martin, but on Friday you can make your farewell to Jane and then lock her in your heart forever more. You won't stop talking about her no one ever should and you will share memories of her for years and years, but somehow it will be the nicer memories and the nasty ones will begin to fade. Don't bottle it all up Martin talk freely about her and share her memories. She purposely built these memories for all to share she didn't go quietly fading away with her cancer she fought it and built on it and more importantly she helped so many of us to learn to live with it and accept it but not to let it rule us and for that I will always be grateful. xx

  5. There's certainly nothing I can say which will help - grief is something which has to be borne and dealt with on an individual basis. But like so many others I shall be keeping you and your children in mind tomorrow and shall pray that you are always comforted by the memory of the love Jane had for you all.

  6. One day at time is hard. Take it a minute at a time.

    I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow and I'm sure Jane will be too..

  7. do your best to begin each day with a happy memory of Jane - if you can do that, it'll ease your pain as you work your way through the long grieving process - and know that it is normal to have good & bad days, to feel better for a bit and then to fall back for a bit. it's all a journey and you will always miss her, but at some point you'll notice that your thoughts of her are mostly happy memories, not painful loss. If you can infuse some humour into Friday's service, you know Jane would be thrilled and it will make the memory of her service so much better for all of you, in the days and weeks to come. My best wishes and hugs to you and the family

  8. It's very hard, in part because all the work and worry is now over. Perhaps you can find something to catch your heart and interest, maybe a cause, a something you always meant to do but didn't. I think Jane would really approve. Love.

  9. We send you all heaps of love and strength for each and every day and especially for Friday. We hope that knowing that there's so much love coming to you that it can in some way help to ease the pain even if just a little. We think of you every day and remember our fun times together at Peregian Beach. Jane loved it there so much didn't she. We're so thrilled you were able to come and visit when you did the last time- it was so special. Will call soon. lots of love Tod Karen & Connor xxx

  10. i understand completely all that you are saying... i am going home in july.. i have not been home since my dad passed in january... i am terrified of the feeling i am going to have seeing his room, his chair, his truck...
    also... i have a hard time getting past my dad's last year, only year with RCC.... and my theory is that the pain of losing him is so fresh that it is hard to get past it.. to the other years of memories... i find that i get more clarity each month...
    know that i am thinking of you and your family in this journey we call mourning....

  11. Hello Martin.
    Take it one step at a time, one day at a time.
    Thinking of you and your family.

  12. Dear Martin,

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you all tomorrow.
    God bless you and your family.

  13. Sending special thoughts and prayers to you, your family and all of Jane's friends. I pray with the love and support of family and friends it will help to ease your grief and pain. Linda

  14. We are all here, those of us who have come to admire jane so very much,you are in so many prayers and thoughts today, try to hold on to the fact that you have only said goodbye to Janes body that she no longer needs, her sprit is with each one of you and this with the deep love that you shared will bind you together for ever.Walk tall "Janes Family" in the strengh and love she gives to you all day by day

  15. My thoughts are with you and your entire family today Martin may the day go as you know Jane would wish, with lots of light laughter and many happy thoughts and sharing of good memories. She knew this time would come, it came too soon, but at least now she has no more pain to endure.
    Love Jackie xx

  16. Martin, my love thought and prayers have been with you all day today. also with all the family. I know that it will have been an awful day and that tomorrow you awake to another stage in life, one that we can never envisage happening, however it has and we must take strenghth from all the days that we have been able to share with our loved ones.
    God Bless,
    LOve Sybil xx